Looks like the "Big Stick" might have one final mission after all.
So one dumb movie yields (and sues) another dumb movie. Welcome to modern America(n Warships). Welcome to The Asylum. American
Warships, originally titled American Battleship, is the latest lackluster "mockbuster" from The Asylum, the studio that's made an art
form out of
the low budget rip-off of the big-budget Hollywood blockbuster. For those coming in late to The Asylum party -- perhaps drawn in by the "drama"
surrounding the release -- some background: The Asylum hurriedly assembles movies meant to fool and prey on the less-knowledgeable video store
renter and buyer,
hoping they will believe their movies to be the real mccoy, not a cheap knockoff. Titles like Almighty Thor and Battle of Los Angeles are made for pennies on the big-studio
dollar, employ either washed-up or never-have-been actors, integrate on-the-cheap visual effects, and generally shoot on very spartan, boring sets.
The Asylum is really kind of like a more professional take on the idea behind Be Kind Rewind, with more money and a better distribution network
(home video releases and airings on the SyFy channel) helping to get the product out to more people. So the story is that Universal Studios wasn't
all that thrilled that The Asylum was making
cheap competition for their special effects spectacle Battleship starring Liam Neeson. The Asylum managed to get away
with only a slap on the wrist, forced to remove the word "Battleship" from the title and releasing the movie instead under the new monicker
American
Warships. So what has the big boys all hot and bothered? Is this movie really worth the aggravation? Apparently, Universal decided it needed
to get something in return for what must be a pretty handsome sum for that legal team it has on retainer, because while Warships
isn't the worst The Asulym has to offer, it truly has nothing on the real deal in terms of polish and special effects clout.
Prepare to see this shot. A lot.
Somewhere off the North Korean coast, two American fighters are suddenly downed, flopping helplessly into the Pacific, all their electronics fried in
the blink of an eye. Soon thereafter, a missile strike destroy the entire U.S.S. Enterprise carrier group. It would appear to be an act of war;
American and South Korean forces quickly mobilize, prepared to strike against massing North Korean and Chinese military interests. Meanwhile, the
U.S.S. Iowa has shoved off for the last time. Her destination: San Pedro, California, where she'll forever rest as a testament to American
Naval might. She's being returned to her original World War II running state to serve as a floating museum commemorating an era when good old
steel and sheer firepower trumped today's modern electronic warfare gadgets and gizmos. And that's exactly what the doctor ordered. The
Iowa is forced into duty once again when she comes into contact with a stealthy seafaring vessel that's attacking the South Korean coast
and molesting the Iowa. Because she's running, largely, under World War II-era power and gear, she's immune to the EMP
(electromagnetic pulse)-like attacks that have crippled modern military machines and rendered them easy targets for this radically advanced force.
The Iowa's Captain Winston (Mario Van Peebles) and Intelligence Officer Caroline Bradley (Johanna Watts) believe the attacker to be a North
Korean vessel employing a Chinese-made cloaking device, but the truth is much worse. She's actually a vessel from another world, and appears to
be
far too advanced to stop. But the Iowa is no 21st Century floating electronic device, and her Captain is no fool. As the Iowa evades
destruction time and again, a Navy SEAL team uncovers a startling truth that will forever change the course of human history.
Seen one, seen 'em all. American Warships follows Asylum mantra and delivers a movie shot on the fly and with only cursory attention to
detail and polish.
The actors are, generally, weak at best and laughable at worst. The special effects give CGI a bad name, whether something as simple as sparks
flying from a fried jet fighter cockpit instrument cluster or Navy SEALs parading around on the outside of an invisible alien ship. Some of the shots --
particularly those out on the water with those same SEALs -- look
so bad, so messy, that it's difficult to see exactly what's happening. The script never really sorts out much of the material, merely throwing ideas
haphazardly into the mix, content, it would appear, to simply repeat the same song and dance in every scene in order to get to the end. Truly, the
movie does little
more than feature a few characters talking about who -- or what -- may or may not be on the attack, intercut with the same shot of the same gun
shooting at the same speed and the shells landing in the same spot in the water. Really, viewers see this same shot repeated probably a dozen
times
or more throughout the course of the picture. Does The Asylum have no shame? Do they really assume audiences will be so blind as to not realize
it's just recycling the same thing time and again? It all leads up to the Captain's decision to fire off the Iowa's "big guns." So basically the
turning
point of the movie is "the little guns aren't doing enough damage, fire something bigger." Sure there's a poorly thrown together alien invasion plot,
and the
characters seem to have figured out why the invasion was taking place, but if that was the alien's entire invading force, well, better luck
next
time when maybe the good old U.S. Navy can bring the Merrimack and the Monitor out of mothballs to fight off the next wave.
Yet for whatever reason, American Warships is kind of fun. Sure, it's fun in a "bad movie" sort of way, but there are so many
laughably awful moments that it's easy to become lost in a movie that becomes something of an instant guilty pleasure of a watch, making the
waiting around for the next sterling example of bad
acting (the old Admiral, anyone?), the next same shot of those guns (and the next and the next and...), the next major continuity error (the best
comes when the SEALs board the
enemy vessel wearing some kind of silvery protective suit and suddenly change back into black in the time it takes them to turn a corner), or the
next ridiculous line (the Captain calls the ship's lookout to tell him to be on the lookout for anything suspicious...apparently The Asylum thinks
audiences will consider the "lookout" to be the guy who usually cleans the latrines, not the guy who "looks out" for anything strange) worth the
price of
admission. But there's also a sense of competency holding the thing
together, more so than the average Asylum joke. Director Thunder Levin manages to give the movie a rather big feel even on a cheap budget.
Even
as the movie showcases awful computer graphics and stays confined to just a few limited shooting locales, the picture manages to create a larger
scope where
none really exists. Better, Mario Van Peebles turns in a performance suitable for a finer movie. He actually seems to care about the project and
the character he plays. He exudes a sense of both clam under fire and a grasp of what the position reasonably requires. He's no Gene Hackman or Denzel Washington in this part, but this is probably one of the
best
performances to ever grace a movie falling under The Asylum banner, right up there with Bill Oberst Jr.'s work in Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies.
American Warships sails onto Blu-ray with an Asylum-typical 1080p, 1.78:1-framed high definition transfer sourced from a modest HD video
shoot. The image retains that typical glossy, flat, inorganic look that's a mainstay of cheap digital productions. Most special effects shot appear fuzzy,
soft,
and uneven. Jagged edges are the norm, not to mention some transparency and a general lack of crispness and attention to detail. But the image is
very stable and impeccably clear under general conditions. Shots on board the Iowa impress. The digital photography picks up with much
precision the welds and wear on the hull, the wooden textures of the deck, crisp Naval uniform lines, and complex human facial details. Colors are
neutral and naturally balanced, whether the tan-shaded Navy uniforms, civilian garb, or the Iowa's paint scheme. The old banding bugaboo
appears rather frequently, particularly against bright, washed-out sky shots. Blacks can be murky and undefined and dotted with sporadic noise. Watch
for a random vertical red line appearing for a split second during the opening title sequence. Despite some problem areas, the image looks fantastic for
what it is, particularly in those regular shots unassisted by digital visuals. Audiences familiar with the average Asylum Blu-ray release should know
exactly what to expect
with this one.
American Warships brings out the tiny guns, foregoing a lossless soundtrack in favor of a generally effective but aurally unremarkable Dolby
Digital 5.1 presentation. To be sure, this is a fairly aggressive, "gun blazing" sort of track that yields a good bit of energy and oomph but not a boatload
of clarity. Music, which is a constant element whether in the sonic foreground or background, plays with adequate authority and space. Booming deck
guns and
various explosions deliver a suitable wallop, but listeners will never feel as if in the heat of the battle atop the Iowa deck or even up in the air
with various fighters jets and bombers either of more modern origins or hailing from decades past. Light background ambiance aboard the Iowa
-- ocean
waters off to the side or background radio chatter on the bridge -- do a fair job of placing the listening audience in the middle of the location. Dialogue
plays
clearly and is delivered with natural volume and without interference from surrounding elements. This is a suitable track, but one can only wonder how
awesome the Battleship lossless soundtrack will be, particularly compared to this low-rent substitute.
American Warships contains a brief, Asylum-typical collection of extra content.
Making of Featurette (1080p, 5:15): Cast and crew, calling it American Battleship, discuss the picture's story, shooting on the
North Carolina, the digital effects, and the challenges of acting in a heavily digital picture.
One can only wonder why The Asylum hasn't taken to giving its billable crew or those playing front-line characters stage names meant to further fool
audiences into buying the product. Imagine if American Warships starred "Leam Neelson" or if Almighty Thor featured "Tony
Hopniks"
or if the upcoming Alien Origin was directed by "Scott Ridley" (and for any Asylum
executive
reading this, kindly send over 1% of all additional revenues generated following an implementation of this idea). It seems like the next logical step in
furthering
the sale. Anything for the betterment of the cover art, right? American Warships is proof-positive that these movies need all the help they
can get, because even
when The Asylum is at the top of its game, as it is here, the end product remains pretty lousy. Mario Van Peebles delivers a performance worthy of a
somewhat better movie; someone must not have sent him the memo with The Asylum's letterhead (or maybe the studio is too cheap for letterhead).
But this is The Asylum, and the repetitive shots, errors in continuity, awful special effects, and dull story make even the studio's best
look laughably bad. Still, this is a
fairly fun movie, and it's the perfect companion for a double feature of bad once the real Battleship hits Blu-ray. The Asylum's
Blu-ray
release of American Warships features good video and audio. The supplements are the same as always. Worth a rental for the curious, and
maybe even a purchase if Asylum prices come down (whichappearstobethetrend).
American Warships Blu-ray, News and Updates
No related news posts for American Warships Blu-ray yet.
