If you headed to the multiplex for 2003's July 4th weekend, you had two options for oversized patriotic nonsense: Terminator 3—because,
let's face it, few things are more American than watching stuff get blown up—and Legally Blond 2: Red, White, and Blond, a kind of ditzy, pink
jewel-bedazzled Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. While targeted to drastically different audiences, both movies are big and dumb and
unnecessary in their own spectacular ways, and both are prime examples of Hollywood's soulless, sequel-as-guaranteed-moneymaker mentality.
Terminator 3 is at least watchable, and so is the first Legally Blond—a sleeper hit, equal parts spunky and sweet—but Legally
Blond 2 is a cinematic chore, as artificial as a dye job, as cringe-worthily painful as a Brazilian waxing. The film pulled in an impressive $40 million
at the box office its first weekend, but poor word of mouth quickly ushered it out of theaters.
Capitol Barbie
Reese Witherspoon returns as Elle Woods, the energetic So-Cal sorority girl who earned a law degree in the previous film and somehow, immediately
after graduation, snagged a job at one of Boston's best firms. Elle, apparently, is smarter than she looks—and she looks extraordinarily vapid, dressed
in prim-pink outfits, her hair perfectly coiffed, her demeanor in a perpetual state of bubbly, barely containable excitement. She's the archetypal
dumb blond, but—don't discount her!—there's plenty of go get 'em ambition and at least a smidge of intelligence beneath her shiny,
Cosmo-meets-Good Housekeeping veneer. When Red, White, and Blond begins, Elle is prepping for her wedding to fiancé
Emmett (the longsuffering, underused Luke Wilson), but she can't send out invitations until she finds—get this—the biological mother of her
Chihuahua, Bruiser. (Because, you know, it's just not a proper wedding if the mother of the bride's dog isn't there.) Elle hires a private eye to track
down the bitch—hey, that's the proper term—and he comes back with disturbing news: she's being held in the V.E.R.S.A.C.E. headquarters. Elle's
obviously excited—she's a double platinum card-holding Versace customer—but in this case the acronym stands for "Veterinary Experimentation
Research Science And Critter Exploitation." Right. When Elle mounts a campaign to free Bruiser's mom and stop animal cruelty, she gets
unceremoniously fired from her firm. So, what's a girl to do? Naturally, Ms. Woods goes to Washington.
If this is starting to sound like the height of idiocy, well, ba-ba-ba-baby, you ain't seen nothing yet. The film's vision of Capitol Hill is meant
to be satirical, I presume, but it's more silly and simplified than anything, with hyperbolized partisanship and grumpy, stereotyped politicians whose
votes can be swayed by nothing more than Elle's aw-shucks optimism and Bruiser's too-cute puppy dog eyes. Elle lands a new job working for
Congresswoman Victoria Rudd (Sally "They really love me!" Fields), and she shows up for her first day wearing an Easter egg pink Jackie-O suit and
matching pillbox hat, earning the nickname "Capitol Barbie." In her bid to pass an anti-animal testing bill through Congress, Elle faces numerous
dramatic conflicts, and all of them are resolved tidily, expediently, and with no surprises. Elle and an initial opponent, Representative Stan Marks
(Bruce McGill), bond when they discover their dogs are gay and in love. Uptight, aquiline-nosed Congresswoman Libby Hauser (Dana Ivey), another
force of political resistance, lets down her figurative hair when she finds out Elle is a fellow Delta Nu sorority sister. And the real twist—although it's
hardly a spoiler—is when Elle learns that Victoria Rudd and her assistant (Regina King) have been conspiring behind her back to keep the anti-cruelty
bill from passing. Nonplussed, Elle rises to the occasion, calling in her Delta Nu compatriots from around the country, getting a little help from her
friends—buxom hairstylist Paulette (Jennifer Coolidge), hotel doorman Sid (Bob Newhart), ugly duckling intern Reena (Mary Lynn Rajskub)—and
staging a "Million Dog March."
What's there to say? Red, White, and Blond suffers from a severe case of a sequelitis. The main symptom is the movie's tendency to take
everything that was good about the first film—namely, Elle's infectious charm and semi-adorable airheadedness—and double it, triple it, until it
becomes unbearably obnoxious. What was sweet becomes cloying here and what was lovably stupid becomes merely inane. The jokes are dumber.
The laughs are less frequent. There's a pervasive air from the actors of we know this is beyond bad, but well, we're committing to it. The
film's defenders often claim that it's a girl-empowering modern-day fairytale, but I just don't see it. Yes, it has a you can do it if you set your
mind to it moral, but Elle Woods, minus her enthusiasm and quitters-never-win spirit, makes an absurd role model, one that perpetuates too
many gender clichés to count. If you told me Legally Blond 2 was made by virulent misogynists bent on making women look ridiculous, I'd
almost believe you. For Witherspoon's part, she certainly goes all out for the character, chipper beyond belief, and there's a kind of sick fascination to
be found in seeing the Walk the Line actress go this far down the dumb blond rabbit hole. But that's where any enjoyment in the movie
ends.
For a film about a woman who's impeccably put together, Legally Blond 2: Red, White, and Blond is something of a mess on Blu-ray, where it
debuts with a soft and sometimes murky 1080p/AVC-encoded transfer. As with their recent release of Taxi, it looks to me—and this is just a
guess—like 20th Century Fox simply recycled an old high definition master that had been prepared for the film's DVD release. The first thing you'll notice
is that the image rarely exhibits any truly fine detail. Part of this may be intentional—perhaps sections of the film were shot with a softening, skin-
flattering diffusion filter, I'm not sure—but the main culprit seems to be the use of some light digital noise reduction to smooth out some of the
picture's rougher, grainier patches. Grain is still partially visible—the image doesn't have that smeary, waxy Predator re-issue quality—but it
doesn't look as rich or natural as it should. Overall, the level of clarity is not what you'd expect from the Blu-ray release of a film from the early-to-mid
2000s. On the plus side, color is certainly vibrant, with a prevalence of bubble gum pinks and other similarly saturated hues. You'll see that highlights are
frequently blown out on Reese Witherspoon's hair, but if you watch the film's making-of documentary, the cinematographer talks about how this was
intentional, an attempt to give Elle Woods a glowing aura of sorts. Whatever.
Things are much better on the audio front, with a DTS-HD MA 5.1 surround track that's relatively strong, stable, and well-balanced. Granted, this isn't
the kind of track that will set your sub-woofer throbbing or fill the space around you with all manner of directionally and acoustically accurate effects, but
for a lightweight comedy, it gets the job done. The rear channels are mostly used to bleed the various pop songs that pepper the film—which all have
plenty of clarity and heft—but you will hear occasional Washington D.C. street sounds, immersive chatter during a Congressional hearing, echo in a
legislative chamber, and other quiet but appreciated ambience. Rolfe Kent's score screams "whimsy," so the less said about that the better, but it at
least sounds clear and, when needed, forceful. Dialogue throughout is clean, high in the mix, and easy to understand.
Audio Commentary with Jennifer Coolidge, Jessica Cauffiel, and Alanna Ubach: Care to listen to an hour and a half of Jennifer
Coolidge being Jennifer Coolidge? Have at it.
Deleted Scenes (SD, 9:31): Seven short scenes here, including an alternate opening.
Blond Ambition (SD, 22:27): Quite a long making-of documentary for such a fluffy film. You can expect the usual mix of talking heads,
on set footage, and clips from the film.
Pretty in Pink (SD, 6:36): A short featurette about the film's production design.
Stars and Stripes, Never! (SD, 7:35): Likewise, here we a get a featurette about the wardrobes and costume design.
Hair Apparent (SD, 6:56): And, yes, another about Reese Witherspoon's many hairdos.
Elle's Anthem (SD, 7:13): Composer Rolf Kent guides us through the recording of the film's score.
Gag Reel (SD, 2:39)
Puppy Love (SD, 2:24): Bruiser gets his very own featurette.
There are a lot of people who like Legally Blond 2. I know some of them. They're nice people. Good folk. I just hope I'm never invited to any of
their houses for a movie night. Unless you're one of these inexplicable fans, you'll want to stay far away from this Blu-ray release, and even if you are a
Legally Blond-aholic, you'll probably be disappointed by the film's sub-par high definition transfer.
According to a report from Bill Hunt of TheDigitalBits.com, 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment in conjunction with MGM Home Entertainment will release All Dogs Go to Heaven, All Dogs Go to Heaven 2, Picture This, The Secret of the NIMH, Material Girls, Teen Wolf ...
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde Blu-ray Screenshots
