'Intelligent' earthquakes that chase after would-be victims is only one of the many ridiculous things
that make 'Megafault' a true classic among cinematic rubbish.
"SyFy presents:" two words that strike fear into the hearts of both the more demanding and the
most timid of moviegoers, promising nothing short of an awful -- or looked at from another
perspective, an awfully fun -- movie-watching experience. Indeed, for those viewers that can
weather the storm and make it through the deluge of "bad" at every turn, "SyFy presents" can
engender a sense of great joy and anticipation at what's about to unfold, those viewers that revel
in bottom-feeding rubbish waiting with baited breath in hopes that this one will top them all as the
worst of the worst. While it's almost impossible to quantify SyFy movies at an absolute level,
there's
no doubt that any list worth its weight in cheese would have to place 2009's Megafault
among
the elite of made-for-television garbage. Sure, it's got all the usual bases covered -- a recycled and
dumbed-down plot, terrible special effects, bad acting, miserable pacing, and lazy direction -- but
it's in the intangibles, those things that take a movie like this from bad to worse to comically
absurd, where Megafault stands above the crowd. Terrible science, incredibly lazy editing,
mind-numbingly obvious continuity errors, atrocious dialogue, and even makeup that looks like it
was applied in the dark with a paint roller all sink Megafault deep into the annals of bad
moviemaking as one of
the prime examples of SyFy blunders gone terribly wrong, even by that channel's already low
standards.
Don't look at me, this isn't my (mega)fault!
A demolition team is setting charges in a remote area of West Virginia when the Earth opens up
and
swallows the men. In Washington, D.C., Seismologist Amy Lane (Brittany Murphy, 8 Mile) is delivering a
presentation on earthquake preparedness when a massive tremor strikes the city. Lane's
husband
and daughter catch a C-130 bound for Denver to return to the safety of their Western home,
while
she travels to the site of the West Virginia disaster to assess the situation. There, she rescues the
sole
survivor of the incident, Boomer (Eriq La Salle, "ER"), and soon learns that the quake -- what
appears to be a megafault and with the potential to devastate the entire country -- is spreading
west. Though communications have gone down, Lane learns that her husband's plane has
crashed in the
midwest, but she and Boomer must work with a secret military agency and an immensely
powerful
orbital weapon in hopes of stopping the quake in its tracks.
"Look! That's at least a seven-point-oh on the richter scale. Those buildings weren't built to
sustain that kind
of strain," Dr. Lane says while casually flying over a devastated
Lexington, Kentucky, sounding more like a tour guide than a concerned professional, all the while
putting her hand over her mouth, feigning terror but looking more like she's trying to hold back a
laugh. "Yeah, the
whole world is shifting." Whowouldathunkit? "What are you going to do, declare war on an
earthquake?" Sounds fun! Ready, aim, fire! "Why can't we move the grand canyon?" Doh! Of
course! We'll just go rent tractor, tie some rope around it, and haul it into the path of the
megafault! There's no good starting point to begin a bash-fest of Megafault, so the
picture's atrocious dialogue, by pure random chance, gets the distinction of hitting leadoff for this
portion of the review. The dialogue is insanely ridiculous, built around bad science and poor
characterization,
accentuated by actors that don't care. There's been more emotion on display during a
Nets-Timberwolves
2009-2010 NBA regular season game. Seriously, though, it takes a whopping eight minutes for
this one to readily identify itself as one of the stinkiest stinkers of all time. No doubt every viewer
will be sitting in a complete daze, blindsided that anything can be this monumentally absurd.
Forget about the story, memory cannot recall a movie with lesser acting, a slower pace, duller
direction, worse dialogue, and even absurdly poor makeup work (Brittany Murphy's first five
minutes of screen time sees her with some heavy brown streak running across her forehead, and
this is when she's supposed to be all dolled up for her presentation and before she finds herself
knee-deep in the megafault. What, were there no mirrors on set? Was every crew member
blindfolded during the shoot? The latter, especially, would explain quite a bit).
Usually, a Disaster movie demands a suspension of disbelief. That's fine. With Megafault,
the real
suspension of disbelief comes not from the story, but rather everything around it. A lame,
recycled plot is the least of Megafault's problems next to the acting, the rancid
special effects that are so jumpy they look as if every other frame was removed from the image,
and the incredibly egregious continuity errors. As for those bad performances, the actors -- both
those with
some clout behind their names and nameless extras alike -- usually look like one of two things:
deer in headlights or simply just out of their league, yes, even in a movie like Megafault.
Casting
call for a SyFy original picture: Megafault! Qualifications: none, but a pulse and prior
acting
experience,
say, portraying a tree in a fifth grade play, would be a bonus! The special effects are fairly typical
of a
SyFY production: minimalist, cheap, and unconvincing. Then, there's the continuity errors. A
character blows up a port-a-potty as a
distraction (strangely enough, he goes inside one, exits, goes in another one, and sets the charge
in there; why the first one wasn't "good enough" to blow remains a mystery). When it blows,
another character charges it with fire extinguisher to put the flames out. Reasonable enough.
Unfortunately, by the time he gets there, the fire's obviously been put out already, yet he
proceeds to blast the remains of the toilet with his extinguisher. Oops. Dr. Lane's family is flying
out of D.C. on a C-130 back to Denver. It's reported that the plane crashed "just outside of St.
Louis" (direct quote from the movie). However, when the movie cuts to the crash site, the
location is identified as
Stillwater, Oklahoma. According to Mapquest, Stillwater is exactly 465.23 miles from St. Louis.
Yeah, and Washington, D.C. is "just outside of" Chicago. Oops. The megafault was caused by a
super-secret military "orbital tectonic weapon" that can cause earthquakes. It "fires an invisible
phase beam at the target...we can use it on our enemies and they don't even know they've been
attacked." Unfortunately, when the weapon is fired later in the movie, it shoots out a highly
visible "phase beam." Oops. Then there's the grandaddy of the movie's continuity mistakes. A
series of charges are set at the end of the movie in hopes of creating a chasm in the ground to
absorb the megafault's power, in essence creating a second Grand Canyon. First, it's said there
need to be "35 blast sites." Then, when three are detonated, Boomer says that there are only 15
remaining. In
reality, there are many dozens more than 15, even more than the 35 previously hinted at as a
truck drives past explosion after explosion after explosion after explosion after explosion after
explosion after explosion after explosion after explosion...after explosion after explosion after
explosion after
explosion after explosion...after explosion after explosion after explosion after explosion after
explosion after
explosion...Oops.
That's not even to mention that the entire sequence uses the same shots over and over again.
Oops.
Megafault: quite possibly the worst SyFY movie yet.
Megafault stumbles onto Blu-ray with a transfer that's almost as disastrous as this
Disaster movie itself. Though this is Echo Bridge's first Blu-ray release since the end of 2008, it's the
same old story with the studio churning out transfers that barely pass as high definition.
Megafault is positively
riddled with edge enhancement. Thick halos surround objects throughout the movie, outlining faces
(see screenshot above)
and even making a rope that Dr. Lane uses to descend into a crater appear as if it's glowing (see
screenshot 10). The print
is
also covered in random splotches and scratches, while colors appear dim and washed out. Some shots
appear blurry and chunky, and faces reveal absolutely no texturing at all. Brittany Murphy's face looks
like a dark tan smudge with no definition, though part of the problem seems to stem from the
awful makeup job. Other details are equally flat and lifeless. To make matters worse, there are a few
jagged edges and a strange ghosting effect in a couple of shots, along with blocking and aliasing,
mostly found alongside the picture' shoddy special
effects work. There are really no redeeming qualities with this one; Megafault should look far
better than this, even if it is a budget made-for-television title.
Almost as poor is Megafault's Dolby Digital 2.0 soundtrack; no lossless or uncompressed
soundtracks are included. This track lacks in raw volume even at reference levels; it's puny and
undefined, though several more aggressive elements -- explosions, for instance -- pack at least a
passable wallop. However, there's a distinct absence of clarity here and anywhere else in the track.
Ambience is lacking and unconvincing; audience applause as heard in a scene in chapter two is best
described as "puny," sounding more like two or three individuals halfheartedly clapping rather than
the roomful
of people seen in the movie. Additionally, sound strangely and suddenly reduces in volume and
suddenly comes back up at least
once in the movie, as if it's trying not to drop completely out. Fortunately, dialogue reproduction is
mostly steady and discernible. For an
"Action movie," Megafault's Blu-ray soundtrack barely registers on the Richter Scale.
Usually when the end credits roll, they begin with listing the name of the Director, maybe the cast, or
on television, the Executive Producer. Not so in Megafault. For some reason, the first credit
lists...Scott Meehan, the production's legal counsel? One can only wonder what in the world was
going on behind-the-scenes to necessitate that. Who knows, who cares. Megafault stinks,
but it's actually much funnier than most Comedies, making it well worth a watch for the sheer hilarity
of the whole thing. Echo Bridge's Blu-ray is barely better than the movie. No extras, an awful 1080p
transfer, and a measly Dolby Digital 2.0 track are all this one has to offer. Nevertheless,
Megafault comes recommended if only to revel in the sheer absurdity of every aspect of the
production.
