Remember that old movie called They Saved Hitler's Brain? Most people probably wouldn't know it from a hole in the ground, and about all
that's worth remembering about it is the title. The Asylum's Nazis at the Center of the Earth is kind of like that, only worse. But it's so campy
and stupid that it's actually a fun watch, at least after the ridiculously slow first half gets out of the way and the movie finally strikes Comedy gold
when it introduces a Nazi UFO and Hitler's head meshed with a Transformer capable of firing green lasers from its chest. The movie is so goofy that
one only wonders why the UFO wasn't shaped like a swastika or why "global warming" wasn't blamed on all the "hot air" spewing forth from the Nazi
Antarctic base as the villains speak about mumbo-jumbo science, perfecting the Aryan race, and so on and so forth. Indeed, the movie is full of
techno- and
science-babble of the worst kind. Worse, the special effects are horrendous, the acting is epically bad, the plot
is one of the most asinine ever committed to paper and celluloid, and if there's one audience member that takes this thing as anything but a
throwaway good time
party movie, then it'll be one too many. This is low-grade, Z-class filmmaking at both its best and worst. This thing is definitely worth seeing; just be
prepared to be amazed, shocked, bored, transfixed, and astounded at the insanity that The Asylum passes off as entertainment.
Stupid is as stupid does.
Dr. Josef Mengele (Christopher Karl Johnson) has escaped the Allied push into Germany and opened a new breeding ground for National Socialism
beneath the icy surface of Antarctica. Since 1945, he's been working to perfect the Aryan race, develop radically advanced technology, revive Adolph
Hitler, and conquer the world. These Nazis are regenerating themselves and maintaining their youth and ability to keep the Third Reich alive
through skin grafts and other bodily transplants, including the recycling of organs and bones, from unwilling donors. Their scientific research also
includes advanced
biology and genetics, hoping to use human tissue to revive none other than Adolph Hitler himself. Now, today, the Nazis are a step away from
unleashing hell on Earth, revitalizing their dear leader, and taking a step closer to once again conquering mankind and reshaping the world in their
image.
There's not a single shot, scene, sequence, nothing in Nazis at the Center of the Earth that doesn't absolutely define cheap filmmaking.
This is The Asylum at its very best, meaning very worst. This movie wants so badly to pass as big budget filmmaking done on but pennies on the
thousands of dollars, and still done so poorly, that sometimes one wonders who stole half the pennies from the production budget. It looks every bit
as good as its ten-cent
production allows, and it's so ridiculous in tone, look, and feel that the joke's on pretty much everyone. The Asylum knows this is crap, audiences
know this is crap, and everyone gets what they want: The Asylum a few cheap bucks and audiences a truly godawful spectacle of garbage
filmmaking for the ages. This thing is seriously a one of a kind, and in truth it's pretty awesome just for being so bad. How can a movie not be
insanely great in a bad sort of way when it has Nazis skin
grafting other people's faces onto themselves all Hannibal Lecter-like, when it has a CGI Nazi flying saucer armed with CGI
machine
gun turrets blasting CGI modern aircraft to smithereens, when it has Adolph Hitler reborn inside a jar and attached to a mechanical body that looks
like
that
mechanized contraption from Avatar? Who cannot love a film where even car headlights have
been CGI'd to save money, where pretty much everything but the humans and the floor they stand on has been poorly created in the digital realm?
Just as amusing is the collection of actors who pretty much stand around looking either dumbfounded or excessively hyper. There's no balance, and
it
does't matter if it's Hitler, an evil German scientist, Nazi storm troopers, or the civilians who not-so-accidentally, as it turns out, stumble upon the
secret Nazi base. The performances stink; there's no rhythm, but then again when the script is highlighted by exchanges like this one heard when
the group approaches a building -- "why does
this look familiar?" "because it was built by humans." -- that either make no sense or, well, make no sense, it's hard to fault the actors for sort of
just standing about, unsure of what they've gotten themselves into. The movie is also fairly gory for an Asylum feature. Usually all of these sorts of
things are all bark and no bite when it comes to actually showing the graphic material, but barking is actually maybe worse than biting, so whether
the movie cuts away or does as this one and shows faces being ripped off of facial muscle and brains being yanked out of a skull really doesn't
matter.
The movie's first half is slow as Christmas, with way too much chitchat and effort to build up characters who never amount to anything more than a
face, and even then those are lost to many who become slathered in gruesome makeup. But walking around and wasting time is an Asylumhallmark, and the movie just wouldn't be right without it.
This thing truly must be seen to be believed. It's the pinnacle of trash filmmaking, epically bad in every single last little detail, and it's the new
undisputed king of "so bad it's good" cinema. In other words, this is a must-see.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth's 1080p transfer is of the flat and glossy kind, sourced from an all-digital shoot. But this transfer does reveal
strong, positive details, all the way down to the frayed edges on a piece of tape, intricate clothing textures, and small scratches and dents on metal
surfaces. The image captures many such real-life elements with precision and clarity. Colors are fine, vibrant in a ho-hum digital sort of way, but never
excessively bright or, on the other end of the spectrum, unnaturally dull. Red Nazi armbands stick out nicely, and flesh tones appear accurate. Black
crush is evident at times, and darker scenes are home to moderately heavy noise. Banding is a cause for concern in several scenes, but blocky
backgrounds are
never prominent. The image absolutely crumbles when special effects are involved, which is often. The image goes blurry and poorly defined, though
that's a problem at the source, not with the transfer. The Asylum actually puts out some nice transfers that are largely as good as the source; this is
one of them.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth features a serviceable Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack. This one gets the job done, though it certainly never finds
a steady current or balance through the course of the film. Music, at film's start, plays shyly and with no sense of energy. Spacing and clarity are
sufficient, but the track is certainly slow to get off the ground. The opening battle scene features distant explosions popping in the background and
gunfire that enjoys adequate, but not extraordinary, strength. Explosions and heavier effects near-camera do up the track's energy level and overall
potency. The surrounds are used extensively near the end. Energy blasts, gunfire, explosions, and general chaos nicely fill the soundstage, all spilling
from every speaker. Ambient effects are fair; Antarctic winds blow about the listening area, and slight background elements in the Nazi compound
create a fair recreation of such an environment. Dialogue is smooth and steady, playing consistently through the center. This track doesn't set the
world on fire, but it's more than sufficient, generally, for the film it accompanies.
Within Nazis at the Center of the Earth's DVD-era menu are the following extras:
Pre-Production (1080p, 2:55): Cast and crew discuss the script, storyboards, and the film's various genres. Viewers will also see
snippets from a production meeting.
Cast & Locations (1080p, 4:09): The cast discusses the characters, and cast and crew discuss shooting locales.
Production (1080p, 5:51): A look at the process of shooting various scenes, special effects work, and more. This piece goes to show
that, yes, there's real filmmaking and actual thought involved in making these movies. The cast also discusses the work of Director Joseph J. Lawson.
Gag Reel (1080p, 1:45).
Audio Commentary: Nazis at the Center of the Earth contains a director's commentary, a rarity for an Asylum Blu-ray release.
Director Joseph J. Lawson
comes across as genuinely enthusiastic, honest, intelligent, and understanding of what he's made and who he's made it for. He covers all the basic
commentary elements but also goes further in-depth than do most filmmakers. This is an excellent commentary and even a guide for aspiring
filmmakers. A must-listen, and here's hoping Lawson makes more movies and records more commentaries.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth is the worst film of the year, but it's one of the most enjoyable. Get beyond the sluggish first half and revel in
the epitome of "stupid." This thing has it all, including Adolph Hitler meched-up and blasting green lasers out of his chest. This might be the campiest
godawful piece of rubbish ever produced, and anyone with an open mind and a sense of humor really needs to check it out. The Asylum's Blu-ray release
of Nazis at the Center of the Earth features decent video and audio to go along with a few extras. The studio is still grossly overcharging for
these things, but once the price drops, pick it up. Highly recommended just for the novelty and fun factor.
All countries
