This is an apocalyptic event. It's happening right now.
It's no surprise when The Asylum releases a bad movie, but it still stings a bit when one's as bad as Super Cyclone, a miserable, lazy, and
borderline unwatchable Disaster flick in which the only disaster is that the thing was even made, in which the only saving grace is the unintentional
hilarity. Why bother when the end result is this poor? Surely
it comes down to basic economics, profit versus cost and the quality of the end product never really factors into the equation. Good for The Asylum if
they can pull it off, bad for unsuspecting customers expecting at least general cinema competency. Super Cyclone delivers not disaster chills
but rather bad movie thrills that will leave viewers in stitches, laughing the entire way through, gleefully pointing out the flubs both egregious and
minimal alike. The movie barely holds together in terms of plot and special effects. Worst of all, the back of the box flashes a quote attributed
to...nobody. If that's not a sign of desperate marketing tactics and an awful movie (it's been used by The Asylum before, in fairness) then nothing is,
except, maybe, The Asylum badge. At least they didn't take a negative quote out of context, like "In an alternate dimension where up is down, right is
left, and bad is good, this movie rocks!"
Bad movie dead ahead!
The "Will Force III" oil rig has struck a volcano. The California coast is in peril. Only one woman can stop mother nature. NOAA (National Oceanic
and Atmospheric Administration) sends in Dr. Jenna Sparks (Ming-Na) and Dr. Percy Cavanaugh (Andy Clemence) to study what may very well be
the meteorological event of the century. The lava's heat is creating an "event" of unstable air that will create a storm five times the strength of
Hurricane Katrina. Sparks teams up with the oil rig's structural engineer, Travis Verdon (Nicholas Turturro), to save the day. It looks like California's
number is up, and with time running out and the storm gaining more power, Sparks realizes that her nano technology research may be the key in
saving the West Coast from annihilation. Can mankind really use modern science to quell mother nature's fury?
There are a lot of movies that could claim to epitomize the absurdity of The Asylum -- chief amongst them the literally plotless Alien Origin -- but Super Cyclone really might just take the
cake. This
movie is all sorts of miserable with nearly every scene demonstrating some level of bad. Pretty much everything in the movie, aside from the actors
and cheap sets, is digital. Helicopters, boats, fires, plumes of smoke, rain, and even some cars are digital. There's a scene of an SUV driving down
the
street that uses a digital automobile rather than a real one. Why? Obviously it's cheaper to make digital boats and helicopters, but when the car
was shown in real life just the
shot before, why go digital and chance screwing up the shot, which The Asylum does by making the vehicle absolutely covered in mud/oil when in
the
previous shot it was showroom shiny? More on the terrible continuity in a moment, but the movie's reliance on low-grade digital that's soft, shaky,
poorly detailed, covered in jaggies, and on the verge of digital collapse gives it an even cheaper feel than merely the bad acting, lame structure, and
go
nowhere plot alone.
Those lapses in continuity may prove even more disastrous than the abysmal visual effects work. Super Cyclone cannot even keep the
basics of its plot straight. The entire movie revolves around a "super cyclone" slamming the California coast. There are all sorts of mentions of the
various California communities and roadways. To the movie's credit there's absolutely no doubt as to where the action takes place. In one
particularly egregious example of an
unfortunate and extremely lazy continuity error, a television newscast shows a hurricane passing over Florida. Wrong state, wrong coast,
wrong timezone,
wrong everything. Of course there are plenty more examples, such as various scenes on an oil rig where it's overcast and rainy in the waters
around the rig but bright and dry (though still windy) on the rig. And the distances are minimal, like within feet in a scene where dry folks on the rig
look down to people thrashing about in the water that's pelted with rain and darkened by storm clouds. There are all sorts of little things that, if
nothing else, keep audiences on their toes, on the lookout for the next big goof. And there's a certain entertainment value in that.
Super Cyclone also lacks dramatic tension. The film relies on motion, loud noises, and constant music to maintain a sense of urgency.
Really, the action music never, ever relents throughout the movie. It's absolutely absurd. The movie also never really builds its characters beyond a
name and a title. Super Cyclone spends nearly its entire second act following the trio of heroes as they drive around in a truck. There's a
particularly funny moment when the cyclone (or whatever) sucks them up into the air. The film cuts to the three passengers screaming and
thrashing about in slow motion, intercut with bad digital effects shots of the truck swirling
about. The scene goes on...and on...and on...and on...and on
some more in what might be the single most ridiculous moment in Asylum history. To the film's credit, there's no wasted time getting things going
at the outset,
but when the plot, characters, effects, pace, and all of the other elements are this poor, does it really matter if the movie gets off to a fast start?
Super Cyclone runs a mercifully short 89 minutes, enough time to realize that his might be the worst of the worst The Asylum has to offer,
a gold mine of all things bad movie that's watchable in a "laugh at it" sort of way and not merely lethargically miserable.
Super Cyclone spins onto Blu-ray with a highly proficient high definition transfer. The 1.78:1, HD-photographed visuals offer viewers splendid
clarity and sturdy colors. The image is razor-sharp and not too glossy or flat, as is sometimes the case with mid- to low-grade HD video source material.
Of course, the digital effects work looks terrible, but blame the low-end process and not the transfer. Super Cyclone reveals some very fine
details in the form of skin textures, worn leather jackets, facial hairs, wear and tear aboard the oil rig, and more. Colors are bright and natural, from red
shirts to cold gray steel. There's very minimal banding and no real trouble spots outside of those shaky digital effects. Black levels and flesh tones both
appear accurate. This is a top-tier transfer from The Asylum.
Oflate The Asylum has made the switch to multichannel lossless, and Super
Cyclone continues that trend. The DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 presentation excels, offering nice spacing and effortless clarity to the nonstop action
music, whether blaring at full power or subdued behind dialogue. Bass is tight and heavy, nicely supporting some of the more extreme sound effects.
The track throws all sorts of well-defined Disaster movie sound effects through the stage, whether rattly turbulence inside a helicopter, raging fires, or
other rushing waters. There's no rest for any speaker in the configuration, and that such a bad movie offers such an active and well-defined soundtrack
is a pleasant surprise. Rounded out by faultless dialogue, The Asylum's latest 5.1 lossless soundtrack may be its best yet.
The Asylum's Blu-ray release of Super Cyclone contains a short making-of featurette (HD, 6:41) and a gag reel (HD, 1:06). A hodgepodge of
Asylum trailers is also included.
Super Cyclone is a terrible movie, but most everybody could have guessed that without watching. The real surprise is just how awful it really is.
Every element stinks, right down to an overload of continuity errors that prove the filmmakers care little about making a good movie and are more
concerned with cranking out junk titles and fooling would-be viewers with phony in-house quotes. At least the movie doesn't run long, and those going
into the movie with the right mindset might find Super Cyclone to be a fun bad movie party flick. The Asylum's Blu-ray release of Super
Cyclone does, to the studio's credit, offer great video and audio to go along with the usual brief array of Asylum extras. This one might be worth a
few bucks for the laughs -- it's not unwatchable -- but there are far better Disaster movies out there that aren't themselves disasters of the cinematic
sort.
Super Cyclone Blu-ray, News and Updates
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