The Fallen Ones Blu-ray

The Fallen Ones

 (TV) (2005)

The Fallen Ones Blu-ray offers solid video and mediocre audio, but overall it's a poor Blu-ray release
An original movie made for The Sci-Fi Channel, 'The Fallen Ones' stars Caspier Van Dien, the chiseled action star who rose to fame as the lead in 'Starship Toopers;. In a take on the Indiana Jones role, Van Dien plays intrepid archaeologist Matt Fletcher. On a dig, Fletcher comes upon a giant mummy, which turns out to be the progeny of a Fallen Angel and a human female. However, digging up these remains unleashes an evil presence into the world, as this giant mummy has a diabolical plan to repopulate the Earth with giants like him and take over its power.

For more about The Fallen Ones and The Fallen Ones Blu-ray release, see The Fallen Ones Blu-ray Review

Starring: Casper Van Dien, Kristen Miller, Robert Wagner
Director: Kevin VanHook

The Fallen Ones Blu-ray Review

What's more interesting: 'The Fallen Ones' or 'who begat whom?'

Reviewed by Martin Liebman, February 2, 2010

This is big.

It's one thing for a movie to just be "bad." "The world needs ditch diggers, too," a wise man once said, and the world also needs its fair share of cinematic duds so as to allow the crop of superior movies to shine all the more brightly, but there's also a fine line between "bad" and "abysmal" that needn't be crossed. Most made-for-television fare falls squarely on the "bad" side of the ledger. Movies like Cyclops are at least humorous in how terribly inept they are, while other, slightly more serious films like Blackbeard wallow in awful special effects and a mediocre script, but nevertheless offer serviceable entertainment in a rather tidy if only forgettable package. Then there's the real dregs of the made-for-television universe, the sorts of movies that don't keep their audiences entertained or make their audiences laugh, instead leaving them confused and angry for having wasted precious minutes in front of the television when better, more interesting and useful endeavors could have otherwise been accomplished, like rearranging the sock drawer or watching the grass grow. The Fallen Ones, an original Syfy Channel movie, is just such a film, the picture lacking even a basic thematic structure and piling on terrible acting and poor filmmaking technique for good measure. No, it's not so-bad-it's-fun, and neither does it offer watch-and-forget entertainment. The Fallen Ones is the very definition of "abysmal," and the only thing the movie is good for is getting on one's nerves.

Heroes to look up to.

In the Book of Genesis, it is written that Angels fallen from Heaven's grace mated with Earth's females who bore their offspring. These offspring grew to be giants among men, some exceeding forty feet in height. One fallen Angel, Ammon (Navid Negahban), sought to save his giant son from God's wrath that was to come in the form of 40 days of flooding so the giant could years later rise and help Ammon claim power over the world. Or something like that. Centuries later, archaeologist Matt Fletcher (Casper Van Dien, Starship Troopers) has unearthed the mummified remains of one such giant underneath the soil of the proposed site of a new entertainment destination, funded by corporate mogul Mr. Morton (Robert Wagner). Additionally, he uncovers an ancient Hebrew scroll that can only be translated by Father Dowling, er, Rabbi Eli Schmitt (Tom Bosley), who comes to know of Ammon's dastardly plans. With the help of the spunky Angela (Kristen Miller), the team must stop Ammon and save the world.

If there's one cardinal sin that shan't be broken in cinema -- particularly in a movie that pulls its story out of an obscure Bible reference -- it's that the plot should be easy to understand and follow. Unless the movie is The Fallen Ones, that is. The movie is littered with a constant barrage of out-of-place characters, odd actions, strange revelations, and a general confusion as to what exactly is going on, what's been unearthed, who is who, how the ancient enemies have once again returned to life, why they're bad, why the good guys care, how they plan to stop them, and so on. In other words, the entire story is a mess. The Fallen Ones offers a suitable premise as far as generic made-for-television movies go, but the script is a complete disaster; there's no flow, no cohesion, and it's in a constant state of confused chaos with no direction and no reason for the audience to care in the least. Nothing about the film is scary; the characters are flat, interchangeable, and forgettable; and the direction is almost as disastrous as the script, jumping around with no purpose or sense of structure. At least "bad" movies like The Stepfather feature a coherent plot and solid production values; while a comparison between a made-for-television film and a moderately-budgeted studio picture might not be completely fair, it returns to the point that "bad" doesn't necessarily equate to "abysmal." The Fallen Ones simply has nothing at all of value to offer its audience. This is truly the bottom of the barrel.

It's not only the confused script and haphazard direction that make The Fallen Ones so terrible. It's a mess on the ground floor too, featuring a collection of abysmal performances across the board. Like Sands of Oblivion somehow got George Kennedy on-board, the makers of The Fallen Ones convinced veterans Robert Wagner and Tom Bosley to lend their talents to this drivel, but sadly, both performances are practically transparent thanks to the horrendous script. Viewers will hardly note when they're on-screen or even speaking, whether because of the inept script or the comatose state the picture's likely to induce in audiences with lesser fortitudes for this degree of torture. Casper "cast me in made for TV movies set in the desert" Van Dien delivers the worst performance of his, and quite possibly anyone else's, career; his effort in The Curse of King Tut's Tomb looks like Oscar gold in comparison. His performance redefines "cashing a paycheck;" if vigor, attitude, and general concern for artistry and pride could be measured on the negative side of zero, Casper's effort would rank somewhere near (-X∗∞). That said, it's hard to fault poor Casper. Really. It's doubtful a Tom Hanks, Billy Bob Thornton, or Denzel Washington could have done much of anything with this material. Adding insult to injury are unconvincing fight scenes that seem so slow, rehearsed, and painfully unrealistic that they look more like UFC: The Nursing Home version than any true, competent, worthwhile fight stunts and choreography performed by actual young, vigorous, and proud performers. At least it's not a total loss; The Fallen Ones does offer some scrumptious if not a bit overly zealous and phony gore at the beginning, and Irwin Keyes, who makes a brief appearance in the delightful Black Dynamite, turns in one of the film's most (unintentionally?) humorous performances but also serves as one of the picture's most confusing characters.

The Fallen Ones Blu-ray, Video Quality

 

The Fallen Ones is unearthed on Blu-ray with a 1080p, 1.78:1-framed transfer that's solid for the most part but contains a myriad of bugaboos that drag the total score down by a couple of points. As to the good, The Fallen Ones offers a clean, nicely detailed presentation in many scenes. Foregrounds and backgrounds alike sport solid detailing, textures, and sharpness, giving the film a superficially sound appearance. Various pebbles and grains of sand are nicely realized in close-up shots, while distant rocks and other long-range objects tend to offer a fair bit of clarity and texturing. Additionally, faces reveal lines and facial hair, while straw hats, stitches, and other clothing details are surprisingly well-rendered. Colors are nicely reproduced and consistently natural, whether the plethora of earth tones or several characters' bright purple garb. Unfortunately, the transfer does suffer through some evident blocking and banding in darker shots. Noise that's otherwise absent in brighter scenes buzzes about some of the low-light backgrounds. Also, the print exhibit some random white speckles and splotches of varying sizes, though not necessarily at a distracting rate. A touch of aliasing and an obvious black vertical line also make sporadic appearances throughout. Also of note is a strange jump in the image at the 33:15 time frame where a slow pan suddenly seems to instantaneously jump back several frames and begin again. Still, and despite a myriad of pesky annoyances, The Fallen Ones looks rather good for a budget-minded release of a made-for-television stinker.

The Fallen Ones Blu-ray, Audio Quality

 

The Fallen Ones features no lossless or uncompressed soundtrack; only a Dolby Digital 5.1 mix is included. The track does offer some rather extensive surround use but of varying degrees of quality and effectiveness. There are certainly some aggressive and entertaining sound effects, but also a distinct lack of clarity to certain segments of the surround presentation. Even some more minute ambient effects -- falling pebbles in one scene or a gusty wind in another -- are suitably realized but don't necessarily help draw the listener into the experience, a problem that's also hindered by a lackluster front-channel presentation where clarity and a sense of space seem at a premium. The film's musical presentations are suitably reproduced but lack in sheer clarity and realism. Additionally, many primary effects come across as wimpy and undefined; even the giants' bellowing howls are puny and lack even a hint of power. Additionally, dialogue can be lost underneath sound effects and music, sometimes coming across as garbled and indistinct. Still, the track is efficient; it's far from perfection, but considering the source, there's little room for complaint in the grand scheme of things.

The Fallen Ones Blu-ray, Special Features and Extras

 

The Fallen Ones contains no special features.

The Fallen Ones Blu-ray, Overall Score and Recommendation

 

The Fallen Ones is an awful movie, and not in any sort of perverse way whereby one can actually enjoy the thing for being so ridiculous. While the film doesn't take itself too seriously, the joke's only on the audience for wasting the time and effort to give this one a try. A terribly inept script, lazy acting, stilted direction, and a general lack of cohesion are but some of the more obvious flaws that make The Fallen Ones one of the worst of its kind. The accompanying Blu-ray release from Starz/Anchor Bay isn't too bad from a technical perspective. Both the video and audio presentations have their flaws, but both are suitable considering the quality of the film. Unfortunately, there are no special features included. The Fallen Ones might be worth a rental for viewers looking to find contenders for various "worst of" lists, but otherwise, there's little reason to give this one a spin.

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