Virgin Territory Blu-ray despite solid video and audio falls short as a Blu-ray release
Ten young nobles, decide to wait out the Florentine plague in their country estates, amusing each other every
evening with earthy stories of love and adventure.
What better place to preserve a virginity than among other virgins? Or so she thought.
Note to filmmakers: starting a movie with the image of an angel urinating off the edge of a cloud
somewhere up in the heavens doesn't exactly set a very good tone for a movie, but in the case of
Virgin Territory, it proves to be just about the best part of the experience. An excessively
dull,
lumbering, nonsensical, and scatterbrained motion picture that features plenty of young, naked,
and uninhibited nuns; oddball characters; a worthless primary plot; dull swordplay; lame
dialogue;
poor acting; dreadful pacing; and far too many subplots and side characters; Virgin
Territory
is about as poorly-conceived a movie as one can imagine. There seems no point, no rhyme or
reason, no drama, no purpose for its miserable existence save to work as some dreadfully-realized
fantasy about nuns eager to shed clothing for the "deaf and dumb" gardener that "fell from the
sky like an angel." Sure, there's a semblance of a real romantic storyline to
the movie that features various men in pursuit of and fighting for the woman they wish to wed,
but any
notion that plot matters in the least is wiped out by the film's pointless and repeated exercises in
banality and cringe-worthy banter about all things "virgin."
This kiss, this kiss...
It is the time of the Black Death. A young man, Lorenzo de Lamberti (Hayden Christensen, Jumper), who is
attracted to a young maiden named Pampinea (Mischa Barton, Walled In), is on the
run from the man who wishes to marry Pampinea, Gerbino (Tim Roth, Reservoir Dogs).
Injured in his flight from Gerbino, Lorenzo is rescued and returned to health by nuns from a
nearby convent where they see him as a fallen angel sent from Heaven for their pleasure. He
plays along,
pretending to be deaf and mute, enjoying his good fortune as companion to most every
young nun in the convent. Meanwhile, Pampinea -- who is now sought after by both Gerbino and
a Count by the name of Dzerzhinsky (Matthew Rhys) -- chooses to flee in hopes of preserving her
virginity and finds herself taking
refuge in the same convent housing Lorenzo where she soon after her arrival blindfolds and
kisses him, beginning
Lorenzo's pursuit of his true love based on a single kiss. As fates converge and promiscuity
abounds, Pampinea will find herself caught in the middle of a trio of men fighting for the right to
be her husband.
Very loosely based on The Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio, Virgin Territory is
another movie, like A Knight's Tale and
Titus before it, that attempts to integrate a modern twist into an ancient tale.
Unfortunately for Virgin Territory, it fails to even approach the same level of relative
excellence as the other two listed films, the picture lacking anything resembling a heart, an
emotional core, a dramatic angle, decent acting, or even more than a scattered and
partially incoherent plot. Virgin Territory seems to aim more for sex appeal than story,
and it never works, even in the film's plethora of nude and revealing scenes. The story is
completely devoid of humor, a trait that's only made worse by listless acting and the dimwitted
accompanying
dialogue, but then again, no doubt the filmmakers couldn't see past anything other than
disrobing nuns and pretty faces, believing those to be enough to mask one of the weakest plots
on
record. Indeed, the film's characters are interchangeable and completely superficial; there's nary
a semblance of depth to any one of them, the picture clearly more concerned with bulging chests
and
angelic faces than thematic structure or dramatic relevance. There's no hidden artistic merit or
deeper
meaning behind any of it; Virgin Territory seems simply an excuse to play fast and loose
with an old tale, not to mention its desire to poke fun
at anyone that dare embrace any sort of moral compass, faith, ethics, or vow for the perceived
betterment of one's existence.
Virgin Territory arrives on Blu-ray with a 1080p, 1.78:1-framed transfer. The
transfer sparkles in many scenes, with a strongly-rendered color palette that allows every hue to be
vibrantly reproduced. Additionally, detailing is exceptional throughout. Building façades and
brick-laden streets offer a fabulous sense of texture, and the transfer yields a scrumptious level of
high detail in wardrobes and other assorted objects throughout. Environmental detail also excels,
particularly in shots of dirt paths, tree limbs, and fallen leaves; only longer-distance shots appear a
bit soft and undefined, but close-up and midrange elements are pristinely rendered. Unfortunately,
some of the film's darker scenes feature an excess of noise and mushy blacks, not to mention
smeary details and an absence of depth. However, flesh tones are not troublesome, and the image
is generally pristine and free of distracting
artifacts. Additionally, there are no major compression anomalies or other ugly bugaboos to worry
about. A solid all-around transfer with only a few flaws, Virgin Territory's 1080p image is
far better than the film
deserves.
This Blu-ray release of Virgin Territory features no lossless or uncompressed soundtrack;
only a Dolby Digital 5.1 mix is included. The track is fairly reproduced but can occasionally sound
jumbled as dialogue, music and effects seem to compete with one another for listener attention,
making it occasionally difficult to sort out every syllable of the spoken word from other sources of
sound. The track
does offer decent ambience; words echo about the soundstage when spoken from within the
cavernous walls of a church, for instance, and a few environmental effects work their way into the
track as well. Various sound effects are nicely implemented; dueling swords near film's end, for
instance, deliver crisp, precise clanking effects as metal meets metal during a climactic
confrontation. The film also incorporates a few pop-influenced musical beats and yields a palpable,
but not
exactly invigorating, accompanying low end. Virgin Territory's lossy soundtrack is far from a
standout mix, but it is, generally, suitably good for what's required of it and, of course, for the
quality
of movie it accompanies.
Suffice it to say, Virgin Territory is a miserably aimless picture with no redeeming values.
Shallow characters, dimwitted dialogue, no structure, an absence of drama, and a mockery of
morals serve only to repeatedly slap viewers in the face, the picture serving not as entertainment or
enlightenment but instead an example of pointless filmmaking at its worst. Virgin Territory
does earn a couple of halfhearted and unenthusiastic points for fair production values and decent
set and wardrobe design, but otherwise, this miserable picture is best left unwatched and long
forgotten. Starz/Anchor Bay's Blu-ray release does, however, sport a solid 1080p transfer and a
decent lossy soundtrack, but no extras. Unfortunately, and despite a decent technical presentation,
there's no reason to even give consideration to this one. Pass.
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